Reconciliation

When Jesus died on the cross, He bled both blood and water, both sacrifice and healing. Similarly, we can grow closer to Christ and find peace in the wounds we bear.

There was a time when I was struggling with anxiety, my past, love, and resentment. These themes plagued me continuously, so much so that I suddenly announced in my thoughts,  Lord I am weak.  Ii is hard to express the amount of peace that overwhelmed me once I realized those words. All my troubles seemed to dissipate and I felt like I had dominion over myself and my  emotions. I felt an amazing sense of cleanliness too, as if Jesus had washed me in a river or dumped a bucket of water over my head. At the height of my unbearable grief, I gave myself to God and I felt like He heard me.

It is important to understand  that I didn’t rehearse these words or entertain these thoughts . It was  only in the hope of finding redemption or seeing if God would speak to me that I uttered those  words . I don’t suggest that  anyone gather all their worries just to hear the Lord. My burdens  arose in that moment and somehow Jesus found a way to speak to me.

For myself, it was helpful to find an effective prayer method and go to confession. I have found  that writing down my prayers helps me to better express myself. My mom bought me a prayer booklet called, The Power of a Praying Woman ,  by Stormie Omartian. Each page contains a  prayer and a scripture passage, along with a short space to write down my own prayer. I have  found this very effective! Even buying a regular notebook will suffice if this is something you  want to try!

I once heard a priest say that “if you go to confession, there is no way you will miss your  vocation.” What he means is, the more you confess, the more room  God has to speak to you.  Letting darkness go creates a clearer path to His message. During Lent, I have made a promise to  myself to go to confession each week instead of giving something up.    

Continually striving for Him and finding joy in every day strengthens my faith. It is when I admit my weakness, when I give up control, or when I yearn for His presence that I have felt God near me. The hardest thing for me to do is open myself up to others.  I have learned that I find healing and grace through that opening. I feel better when I don’t have to keep something inside me anymore. When I give everything to God, He provides peace and rejuvenation.

“Create a clean heart in me O God” Psalm 51. Creating a cleaner heart creates a cleaner vision  of God. For me, I feel like I understand and know God when I find peace.  

Natalie Rose DeFour is a Student at Central Michigan University, graduating with a degree in English in 2016.